bloody hell, its been really long since I've written one but hey so what! well the day after my STPM its been quite some time and its been the time for my life, an experience to fucking incredibly f*cked up that your going to be like hey lucky it ain't me and well i'm going to f*cking give off some tips for long distance traveling for future pals, parents, to be parents, to be pals, assholes and travelers!!
DAY ONE
The very morning on the 10th of December 2009 I've been given a daunting task ...................................... to drive to Kota Kinabalu.
for those who never driven more than 10km away from home, the experience you're about to face without any MENTAL preparation and physical preparation, is extremeeeeeeeeeee. So I took off after i had a cup of milk and just some snacks, thinking, neh how hard could it possibly be? just drive, how long? 6 hours? not so bad, yeah there's a map, a gps phone, some bottles of water, some snacks and a full tank of gas and before i took off, i take the last look at my big map. i track my road, Miri---> kuala Belait---> kuala Lurah ----> limbang ---->bukok ----> Labu----> lawas----> sipitang----> beaufort----> Papar----> penapang ------> KOTA KINABALU.
so i set off, strolling around....... around 80-90km/h steady speed, breathing the fresh air, and yes its 5am. somewhat some time later i reached sungai tujuh checkpoint where we always get through into kuala belait, yeaaa its steady.. cool.... till........ i try to get to kuala Lurah..... here's what went horribly wrong:
1) The map is not drawn to scale and totaly misleading which legends like malay shop and Chinese shop (what the f*ck man who looks out for coffeeshop NAMES???)
2) i'm not moving at a fast speed (somewhat weird in brunei, i was moving 110, and on the left lane, everyone just STROLL pass me, omg....)
3) i asked for directions from idiots (really, "oh kuala lurah ah? pergi situ" WHERE THE F*CK IS SITU? I ALSO CAN POINT ANYWHERE AND SAY THATS THE DIRECTION TO KK LAAAAA)
4) the other MAP given by my dad to me the day before really hard to read!!! (like, follow the red arrow, okay follow follow follow, it brought me to some kampung road which made me literally lost, and the map has a cool legend like, cola shop, paddy field, sign board [WHAT SIGN BOARD? i saw lots like simpang 108 then simpang 203])
5) My mp3 player only had 36 songs, around this time i heard every song about twice already
6) I'm alone, i acctually talked to myself at some point (REALLY CRAZY)
So i then try to trust my instinct like yeah turn here looks right, yea this way is right, and WOW I END UP AT JERUDONG PARK! so steady see the park but hey....... i passed it twice already...... SHIT i was moving in circles that time...... so i stop to a nearby shell station to ask for directions. I asked the dude there and surprisingly same answer "pergi sana sampai sudah" (at that point i was like wheres sana and how long is sudah?) and another cool answer "pusing kat simpang 256" (can't quite remember which simpang already 200 something) and well ok at LEAST i got a decent direction and yeah i'ma go off once more, till i see the first junction................. simpang 1920
WHAT THE F*CK IM LIKE 1k++ SIMPANGS TILL THE ACTUAL CORNER???? Alas i just drove on and my instincts guide me once more..... (since is just a straight road) till i saw PIZZA HUT!! YES!!! CIVILIZATION ACROSS THE TRAFFIC LIGHT!! then comes a dilemma... should turn left or right or go straight ah? the directions just saw pass through jerudong to reach kuala Lurah. but WHICH WAY??? (future map makers please take note... put LOGICAL SIGNS like errr mosque or temple or something significant, not houses and pipelines which is literally everywhere) and i thought to myself just go towards the pizzahut and WOW it was the right way!! and at this moment was the climax part of the lex aeterna song, was kinda dramatic for me since im alone....
and yeah after following through some simple signboards, i reach the kuala lurah checkpoint......... which was jammed.
jam like really jammed, somehow people can park their cars on the side of the road (which causes the jam since like its a 2 way street but since BOTH sides got car its like a 1 way so everyone is like really SLOW) and walk across the boarder just to buy back chicken wings and stuffs across..... which reminds me of a point where why KFC keeps their 11 herbs and spices secret SOOOOO tightly while actually its not the chicken taste that attract us but its a pain in the ass to cook chicken at home.... which make me realize that they are saying..... "its not that our currency is strong that we park our car across the border to get here, it's just there's good chicken wings across it" and wow was there for like 1 hour.....
and HELLO LIMBANG!! when i reached limbang, i realize 3 things
1) i'm hungry
2) i need more songs
3) i'm not even 1/3 through and its 12noon
i stop by this mamat store and had 2 roti telurs and stroll my way off away from limbang. (before i stroll off i JUST THEN REMEMBERED i bought that car adapter thing for my laptop which i then plug in my laptop and played MORE songs along the way)
i drove on to bubok or something like that, where i pass through the immigration once more and drove on till i met 2 great challenges
1) i'm crossing 2 rivers which ferry
2) the Jam is f*cking long
the jam is really annoying, nonetheless i managed to watched like 8 episodes of simpsons season 20 before reaching the next immigration point which she then told me i missed an immigration point before the last ferry.................... f*ck, they told me before the last ferry theres a small "pondok" immigration checkpoint in brunei, the labu checkpoint......... so i had to went around.... (who makes this immigration shit anyways? they should intro some touch and go concept with the passport where we go through this shit and they say hey you're out of malaysia and into somewhere else with no malaysian jurisdiction ) and i went back.........................into the ferry jam ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZ... so i go on with my simpsons series finished another 4 episodes till i get into the checkpoint and stamp my f*cking passport and went back into the F*CKING FERRY JAM ONCE MORE
I then finished another 4 episodes of Simpsons and wow FINALLY get to the immigration checkpoint once more to go into lawas and CRAPPP THE LINE SOOO LONG>>>>>>>>
after lining up i DROVE LIKE WILD into lawas!!! then straight ON!!! AND SHIT NO FUEL!!! but THANK GOD i saw a SHELL station and refueled once more!! and MOVING ON TO LAWAS!! At the lawas border it was about 3pm already... i asked the lady at the immigration counter how long before i reached KK, she answered 2 more hours....
wow 2 more hours my gawddd...... then i drove on..... and on and on to sipitang... and i asked the same question as i did with the previos counter.. it was already 4pm and WOW the answer is STILL 2 HOURS WTF!!
Into sipitang is where i totaly speed up.... cutting cars and shitsz!! and well, throughout the trip i made a friend... with the white myvi behind me all the while for like since at LIMBANG. and its QMN car plate, whoever the driver is, they are from MIRI. everything i cut a car i'll look and my mirror and say, come on Myvi cut cut cut, for some bloody reason, that car is like my only companion.... till i speed off and never seen it again. FARKKKKKK. and then i breached beaufort and well i'd thought to myself i better take a rest and eaten a mee goreng at some shop. and move on driving.....
looking at the map and i see more stupid signs like..... coconut shop and sugar cane shop...omfg this starts to blow me out.... it was already 5 at that moment and i had officially driven for 12 hours, 12 f*cking hours alone!!!! and i'm getting out of my mind. bloody hell i even counted how many coconut stores i went through since we are along the coast theres coconut shop EVERYWHERE so to prove how bloody wrong the map was and i lost count after counted 16 coconut stores.
and finally i thought i'd never say this during the last few moment of my drive and i actually felt really happy when i saw the sign, kota kinabalu but kinda f*cked up when i see 33KM
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and yesh finally i reached my destination, i was so relieved like really relaxed that time soooooo relaxed.... till crap where i stay? the MAP once more says jalan Istiadat.... WHERE THE FISH IS THAT???? i end up driving around like 7pm looking for my apartment to stay in. Then turned the map to the next page, the apartment is at Likas Square, once more IM NOT A LOCAL WHERES LIKAS SQUARE AND WHOS IM GOING TO STOP AT 7PM TO ASK FOR DIRECTION???
and well after wondering endlessly i actually reached the likas stadium and likas square was somewhat nearby and YESH I FINALLY REACH THERE!! AFTER LIKE 13 hours of DRIVE!!! then i went to the counter stated my name, they give me a card key and well i was off to my room......... till i face my room door..... no cardhole.
really like i tried to slot every possible slot but i cant get the card in, UNTILL i realize its some RFID tech where you just use your card to touch the door knob and it opens (how cool was that!?), and if youre wondering how come i think do that earlier, well i just drove for somewhat 13 hours!!!! man 13 HOURS!! my brain's screwed up!!! i then took a nice rest till 9pm...
at that moment alone for so long, you tend to look for someone to meet and chat just to get a touch of civilization, so i smsed ah fui, he replied sure sure. and well yeah i then changed and start to drive off. HALFWAY to ah fuis hotel he smsed me hes tired and he want to sleep and go drink next time, WTF MAN FUI WTF I JUST DROVE FOR 13 HOURS AND SUCH IMPACT TOTALY BURNED ME OUT MAN!!! i was like WHAT THE FISHHHHHHH. i then smsed him constantly till he go out drink with his pals and me xD.
well i brought them opposite warisan square, where theres lots of bars and pubs, so i'd bring them through a club and wow the singers were somewhat hawt and ah fuis like WOW his eyes became WILD!!!
like WILD !!!
so i settle down on a pub with them and start chatting to get my touch back and drink some shizzzzzz...... ah fui on the other hand
ordered
carrot juice.
really
well after some cool chat with em i'd send them back to the hotel and well im off back to my apartment and to have some awesome rest........ end of day 1
LESSONS LEARNT!!!
DONT DRIVE ALONE
GET A GOOD MAP
DONT MISS ANY IMMIGRATION ITS A TOTAL PAIN IN THE ASS
DRIVE A BIG CAR (Really like a 4x4 cars, my Camry is sooo uncomfortable under those road conditions)
KNOW WHATS RFID
and Carrot Juice is actually quite nice
so catch up till next time yea CHAOZZZZZZ (really soon)
ROLANDO
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